Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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