I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
