For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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