dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
