Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Houston, we have a blender
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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