As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
