I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
