I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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