His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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