On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
