a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
