In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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