sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I need to stop coming to work sober
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
