some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
