please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
