i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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