I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
