yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
