Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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