Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
