I want to make a zoo with you.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
