I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
