i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
