road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
