Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I understand Curling. That high.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
