dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
