So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
