I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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