So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
