I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
