She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
