I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
