My hand turned me down
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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