I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
