Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
