I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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