You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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