you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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