Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
