Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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