There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
