Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Randomize
