his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
