No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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