New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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