Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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