i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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