Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
