This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
