Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
