I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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